Whispers and Screams
by riversong15
Summary: I needed to numb the pain the only way that worked. But something stopped me tonight. Takes place after 1x06. Not gory at all, rated T based on language and some mature content. My first multi-fic so I would appreciate if you read this and let me know what you think. Completed.
1. Hurting

Author's Note: So, this is really weird for me, because I wanted finish a story before posting a chapter of it. I decided that I wanted to test it first, so here is the first chapter of my first multi-fic.

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Hands, some curled in fists, some reaching out to touch me, were all I could see. Words that cut me were all I could hear. I was waving my arms, trying to grasp something, anything, to keep me from sinking deeper into the Darkness. _Wake up Wake up Wake up!_

My eyes finally snapped open to a bare ceiling, sheets kicked off my now freezing body, and a still sleeping Marianna.

Shaking, I made my way to the bathroom, whispers from the dream still invading my mind. _**Bitch. Seductress. Waste of Space**_**.**

I had to get them out. I had to let them out, in the only way that worked.

Unlike other homes, I had to be careful how I did it. Other homes would shrug their shoulders and simply ignore it, or they would simply smile and add to the whispers. If Lena or Stef saw the bruises, cuts, or even the old scars, they would go ballistic. They would try to help me _**No one can help you**_. It was the first time I did this since arriving at the house. Usually something, the parents or other kids did would trigger it but it took a nightmare for me to go back to the Darkness.

The pain was getting to me, my head was pounding and I needed to find a way to numb it. A small pair of scissors used for nails sat on the sink and I took it, placing it against my wrist. It was easy to hide. I could just wear a bracelet or something to cover it until it fades.

I was about to cut down when something stopped me. A sound, no a melody.

Brandon.

_He's awake. Talk to him. You trust him; you care about him _**_More than you should. Don't talk to him. He'll tell _****them**_**. He will look at you like garbage. Remember Liam? Remember how he hurt you, used you, ruined you?**_ I took the scissors again, trying to ignore the flooding images. Him on top of me, how his voice that made my heart melt now makes my skin crawl. _**Do it. Ruin yourself more. You're too broken.**_ _Go to Brandon. _**_Do it. _**_Go to him. _**_Do. _**_Go. _**_DO._**

I slammed the scissors down. With tears in my eyes, I blindly stumbled to his door. I knocked and the soft melody stopped.

Through the door, I heard, "Come in." I tried to move my feet but they were like stone. I knocked on the door again and thankfully, he came to the door and opened it.

"Callie." He whispered, surprised. He worried when he noticed the state I was in. "You're crying."

I didn't move. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. Why did I come? Why did I have to bring him into this?

"What is it? What do you need?" Brandon was in a panic. When Marianna cried, it was mostly over shallow things, like a guy or some new fight with one of her friends. I wasn't like that. My problems ran deep, deeper than anything he ever experienced.

I struggled to get the words out through all the tears choking up my throat. I stuttered out, "Help me." and my legs gave and his arms came just in time to catch me.

"Callie?" He mostly carried my to his bed and I curled up into a ball. The whispers were screams now and I couldn't open my eyes for fear that Liam's cold eyes were staring back at my. I started pressing my fingernails into my arms, scratching my skin, trying anything to bring the pain to a stop, when Brandon grabbed my arms and pinned them above my head. "What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to hurt yourself?" I could feel his labored breathing against my face and I opened my eyes to see his bright, bluish eyes inches away from mine.

"I need help Brandon. From you." He softened his gaze and released my arms, which flopped next to my side.

"What do you need help with?" He was sitting on the edge of the bed and I scooted closer to him.

"Don't you see? I'm sick Brandon. Look," I gesture to the nail marks on my arms, "at what I do to myself." I took his hand and pressed it against the bumpy scars on my forearm.

He stroked the scars like he was touching something delicate, and it was causing new goose bumps to form on my arms. This time, it was the good ones.

We sat in silence, eventually his fingers stopped tracing and he took my hands in his. I could tell he was waiting for me to speak. It took some time to figure out the right words to say, considering I had to remember why I started this conversation in the first place. Was it because I wanted his help? Because I felt closest to him out of everyone in this house? Because he was, awake?

The answer was there was no one else I could talk to about this. No one knew what I went through, nor could they understand, but Brandon was learning. I knew he would make the least assumptions about me. _Tell him._ I took a deep breath and started, from the beginning.

"The first home I was in the mom was single and she went off her meds. That was the first time I ran away. I came back because I was only 10 and Jude was scared of being out in the streets. The woman knew we left and told Bill. He took us away."

"The next year we spent in a group home. It was okay but the parents in charge thought there were too many kids so they told Bill to take some older kids and me away. Jude refused for us to be separated. So we got sent away together."

"The next home was the shortest one we ever had. It was one week. The parents weren't feeding us because they were using the money to gamble. I stole food and they called the cops telling them I was a thief. Bill saw that Jude and I were starving and it gave him reason to take away their license to foster." I smiled a bit but it left my face when I remembered the next part.

"The next homes were when I started acting out. They were the only homes I regret being a brat because they weren't that bad. But when I started giving them attitude that's when the yelling and frustration started. They tried separating Jude and I a few times, but then he wouldn't let them. He broke things, wouldn't listen, and I can't help," my voice broke, "but feel like we lost our chance to be safe, because the next home we went to was the worst."

I put my hands over my face, the migraine was starting, and I was blacking out, starting to loose focus of what was past and what was present. Brandon's arms came around me and he rubbed my back as a fresh onslaught of tears came. The soothing touch brought me back to the current moment in time.

"You don't have to tell me." He comforted me. He started singing a melody I recognized as a lullaby my mother used to sing. Strangely, instead of making me sadder, it calmed me down.

"Where did you hear this song?"

"My dad used to sing it to me. My mom can't sing for her life," I laughed and took my hands away from my face.

"My mom sang it. I sing it to Jude sometimes. He doesn't remember her." I say sadly.

"Do you want to talk about her?"

"I don't know if I want to talk anymore." He loosened his hold and he was looking at me now.

"What do you want to do?"

God, the way he said that made the question so much more dangerous. Here we were, in his bedroom, alone, in the middle of the night. All he did was hold me and right now, I wanted so much more than just that. I needed more.

I put my hands on his cheeks and moved my face closer to his. "What are you doing?" His voice was a little shaky, nervous maybe, and his eyes kept going from my eyes to my lips.

"Not talking." I crushed his lips with mine, my fingers brushing through his hair. He was surprised and he tentatively put his hands on my waist. I grabbed his shoulders and brought him closer to me and he finally lost his doubt. He pushed me down onto the bed and I wrapped my legs around one of his. I moved my hips against his and we both moaned. Motivated, my hands went to the hem of my shirt and started lifting it.

Brandon abruptly broke away. He stopped my hands, lifted himself off me, and backed away from the bed. He looked conflicted.

I just stared at him, breathing heavily, my eyes bearing just how hurt I was. _**Of course, he doesn't want you.**_

"Callie, I can't do this to you. Not when you're like this. It would be taking advantage of you."

I scoffed. The first time I willingly kiss a guy (that I care about) and he thinks he's taking advantage of me.

"What?" He said.

"Never mind. I shouldn't have talked to you." I got up and quickly walked across to the door. I waited for Brandon to pull me back to him, put his hands back on my waist, but he let me walk out the door.

_**He's giving up on you.**_

I didn't go back to my room. I ran down the stairs, opened the door and slammed it, not caring if it woke the whole house. If Brandon wasn't going to help, there was no chance the rest of them would care.

I only made it to the end of the block when I collapsed. I lay on the road, waiting for something to come, like a car to run me over, anything, because the pain of the rejection and the memories of the last foster home I was at was assaulting my senses. I was starting to smell the booze and feel the cigarette smoke burn my lungs. I thought I was screaming but no sound was coming out. I just thrashed there on the ground, scraping skin, letting the stings of the cuts be the only thing reminding me that I am here and not in that bedroom over a year ago. But like every time it came, the Darkness takes over and I try keep my eyes open, try to remember where I really am, looking for a hero to save me from my own monster before I black out. I thought I saw him. But must have been wrong.

_**No one can save you.**_

_**No one will rescue**_** you.**

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Second Author's Note: So that's the first chapter. I have the next two done and ready to upload and I probably will upload the next one when I get the fourth chapter done (so like another two days or so). Tell me what you think and any advice you might want to give me. I'm still pretty new to this and I would really appreciate it if you told me if this sucks or if you love it. Thank you.

Next Chapter: Callie has to deal with hiding what happened last night.


	2. Hiding

Author's Note: To one of my reviewers silent17, I'm sorry but this is a Brallie story, but you have given me the goal of writing a non-Brallie story for the next story I post. It'll probably be a one-shot, just because I don't think I could handle 2 stories at once, and I think it will deal with Stef and her father, so thank you for giving me the motivation to write a non-Brallie story. This chapter doesn't have as much drama, it's mostly how people start to suspect something is going on between Callie and Brandon, hopefully you'll enjoy anyway. Just finished Chapter 4 and I'm getting pretty excited.

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"Callie? Callie wake up, we're going to be late, c'mon." Marianna shook my shoulders and I finally stirred. I was back in my bed. I was fine, if not a little sore, like I had been running. _Was it all a dream?_

I got up and looked at my arms. They were covered with small cuts and I felt a bruise forming on one elbow. _So, it wasn't a dream._

Someone knocked on the door and I grabbed a sweater to cover my arms. "Come in."

Brandon walked in. I kept my eyes down. I knew at that moment that he must have brought me back in. I couldn't look at him knowing he saw me that vulnerable.

"Hey," he was still by the door. He had something balled up in his hands.

I nodded to him and he took a few more steps towards me.

"I brought you this. I thought you might want it." He handed me the balled up thing and I unfolded it. It was a grey sweatshirt, specifically Brandon's favorite sweatshirt with music notes and his name on the back of the shirt. Story is he got it when he won his first major competition a year ago.

"Brandon I-"

"It's nothing. I just thought you might want to hide your arms from moms." He quickly left the room before I could speak another word. The fact that he was giving me this sweatshirt and some space meant, "Hey, you're messed up and I want to help you but I don't want to overwhelm you so take this because it's my favorite sweatshirt and it'll hide from moms the psychotic break you had last night."

It was sweet. I couldn't help but smile when his scent surrounded me as I put on the sweatshirt. As I got ready, Marianna came in, hair now perfect, looking for a pair of earrings. She did a double take at me.

"Isn't that Brandon's?"

"Yeah, he's letting me borrow it, I was feeling chilly."

"Yeah, he would do that with Talya too." She gave me another glance.

"What?"

"Never mind, I was just thinking." She turned around and walked back to the door but before leaving, turned around and said, "Just don't give people the wrong idea."

"Whatever." She raised her eyebrows at me and walked away.

When I was finally done getting ready, I went downstairs. The rest of the family was there and we got on with our usual routine. Brandon kept throwing me glances but he must have been reassured when he noticed the sweatshirt and my casual conversation.

My day at school was not what I expected. Girls kept looking at me, and it didn't make any sense until Talya came up to me.

"You have to take that off."

I raised my eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about. The jacket, it needs to come off."

"Why? It's just a jacket." I try to leave but Talya grabs my arm. I try not to cry out when she squeezes the bruise.

"Every girl in this school wants to be with Brandon. He's the perfect guy and they all know that's his jacket. If you don't take it off everybody's going to get the wrong idea."

"There is nothing to worry about. You know that I can't be with him."

"What do you think Lena will do when rumors of you two being together reach her?"

"Is that what you're planning on telling her?"

"I'm trying to look out for you." _**Yeah**_** _right._**

"I don't need you to." I escaped her gripped and walked off.

_**No one will look out for you. You're on your own.**_

_Don't push people away. Let them help. **Like she really wanted to help. She just wants Brandon back.**  
_

_**And she knows about "it". Let her get too close and she'll stab you in the back.**_

I found Wyatt at our usual spot next to the stairs but he wasn't alone. He was speaking, well arguing with Brandon and things were pretty heated when I walked up to them.

Wyatt said, "If you know what's good for her you would give her space."

"Like I am any more dangerous for her than you are. Remember your first date? You could have gotten her arrested."

"You could get her sent away. Her and Jude."

I finally reached them, putting my hand on each of their chests. "Guys, stop this. People are staring." Wyatt threw a glance but looked away, anger in his eyes. "Wyatt?" He walked off and I went after him, leaving Brandon behind.

"Wyatt, where are you going?"

"Why are you wearing that?"

"Why does everybody think that it matters? It's just a sweatshirt."

"It's not just that Callie." He finally stopped and turned towards me, hurt flashing in his eyes. "I know how you feel about him. He wouldn't be this obvious with his feelings if he didn't think there was a chance."

"Wyatt please just calm down." He was attracting too much attention and was freaking me out.

"Talk to me Callie."

"I will, just calm down." I led him to a bench and we sat down. "Look," I started, "Things with Brandon are complicated."

"You like him. I know you do."

"Yes." I couldn't lie to him. I needed to be honest with him.

"And me?"

I shook my head. "I really do care about you Wyatt. I just can't feel that way for you." I tried to get him to look at me, but his eyes stayed downcast. "If you want to break up, just say so. I'm willing to keep this going. I just can't handle any rumors about Brandon and I to start circulating. One call to my P.O. and I'm out of here."

I hoped he would be willing to keep up the charade. It wasn't fair to him but he was my last chance. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Fine, if you don't want anyone to know how you feel, you need me to be your backup plan. No one can claim you're with Brandon if you're with me. But you're going to need to fix this soon. I can't be used like this, got it?"

I didn't say anything. I just nodded. He seemed content with that answer, stood up, and offered his hand. I walked back with him hand in hand to the next class we had together. Some girls nodded, like they approved of my relationship. **_You aren't good enough for Brandon._**

The rest of the day went fine until I saw Jude at home. "Can I talk to you?" He and I went into his/Jesus's room where he closed the door.

"Why are you covering your arms?"

"Jude it's nothing, I was cold. It was like 50 degrees or something."

"Don't lie to me. You're hurting yourself again aren't you?"

"No, Jude. I haven't done it since coming here."

He looked unconvinced. "Take it off."

I knew he wouldn't rest until I did it. I took off the sweatshirt, revealing the old cuts on my arms and so much more. The small bruise on my elbow had gotten a dark purple and was twice as big and small yellow bruises were starting to form on other parts of my arms.

It was so much worse than before. I had been trying not to use my arms all day and I finally lifted them above my shoulders. If arms could speak, they would be screaming in pain.

It wasn't like the pain from cutting. These lasted longer but the pain wasn't enough to stop a black out. That kind of pain needed to be so strong that it numbed everything other feeling.

Knowing that I failed at hurting myself was a little uplifting, but knowing I failed Jude by trying brought me back down.

**_Worthless. Not good enough. Failure. _**Each word was a punch to the gut and I tried hard not to break in front of Jude. He couldn't know how bad it was. It would hurt him to know that he couldn't help me get over the past six years of suffering. I remembered the first time he saw the cuts. It was a year ago, and I was freaking out because I got the blood on a towel and I couldn't get it off. I was crying next to the sink, scrubbing as hard as I could and Jude walked in. My arms were exposed and he almost screamed for the Olmsteads. I begged him not to tell and told him I wouldn't do it again, but 2 weeks later, he caught me sneaking a knife into my room.

Since then, I tried as hard as possible to hide it from him because I couldn't crush him like that.

Not again.

_**You leave a pile of wreckage wherever you go. No one is safe from you.**_

_**Especially**_** yourself.****  
**

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Second Author's Note: I know, I know, lack of drama compared to last chapter. Hopefully next chapter will make up for that.

Next chapter: Callie tells Jude what happened last night and seeks something more from Brandon.


	3. Cheating

Author's Note: Well, people don't seem to think this sucks, so on with the next chapter! I only update when I am completely finished with the next two chapters, and trust me, I'm so excited to post that it makes me write even faster. In this chapter we continue with the Jude confronting Callie about how she hurt herself. Enjoy!

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"What happened?" Jude looked worried, no longer angry. He was expecting straight red lines, not random scratches and bruises.

"I freaked out, okay. I didn't have anything to use so I ran outside, I fell, and I just kept hitting the ground. It didn't work though." I sat on the bed and he stepped in front of me.

"So you blacked out."

"Yeah I blacked out."

"Do Stef and Lena know?"

"No they don't."

"How long did it last this time?"

"I don't know. Brandon took me inside. He saw me hurting myself. He gave me his jacket to hide my arms."

"He just happened to see it?"

"Well I was kind of with him when it started." Jude looked suspiciously at me. "There's nothing going on if that's what you're thinking." **_Liar._**

"I wouldn't say that."

"It doesn't matter how I feel Jude, I can't be with him." **_You were with him and you still want to be with him._**

"So you do like him?"

"I'm not going to mess things up for us. I promise nothing will happen between us."

"Don't promise that. You're not going to keep it."

**_He's right. You lie to him all the time, especially about Brandon._**

"Shut up." I shot up and left walked into my room and closed the door. A migraine was forming but it was more stress than me trying to stay sane.

"Callie?" Jude was knocking on the door. He sounded freaked out. "Callie, if it's happening, tells me."

I went up to the door. "It's just a migraine Jude. It's not like before. I'm just going to take a nap."

"Can you open the door?" I unlock the door and Jude opens it quickly and hugs me. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault sometimes." I pat his head and release him and he leaves to go downstairs. I close the door.

I stumble my way to the bed. _Okay, maybe it is something more._ The images are coming when I start slamming my hand against my head. _Stop it. Jude knows you're hurting yourself. __**Jude knows how much of a disappointment you are. He knows you'll screw him of his one chance for a family. Because you're so much of a whore you'll sleep with you foster brother.**_

I had luckily made it to my bed and I started hitting the mattress. Liam flashed before my eyes and I muffled a scream into my pillow. I started crying, my fingers scratching the comforter. Instead of a black out, I was flashing to the last night I spent in Juvie. My hands starting squeezing where the bruises used to be, remembering the harsh stares my cellmates would give me. If Jude came in and saw me like this, he would call Stef and Lena in a heartbeat.

I tried to calm down. These kinds of flashbacks were easier to handle. I imagined there were arms encircling me, providing a protective layer around my body, and the images would soon fade into nothing.

I could feel it. The arms around me and I was almost calm until I realized there really were arms around me. Big strong arms not like Jude's and not like the moms.

I opened my eyes as the visions faded, my face pressed into the chest of someone who smelled like laundry detergent and cool mint, the kind of scent from a shampoo used for the past 3 years, the same scent on the jacket I had been wearing. I was still shaking and speechless as he rubbed my arms and told me, "It's just a dream." He started singing the lullaby again and I just melted into his arms. It was like last night. I was tired of restricting myself to just stares and touches. I need him now like I needed air to live.

The door was thankfully closed so no one could walk up the stairs and see us from the hallway. My arms loosened from my body and wound around Brandon's neck. I situated myself into his lap, my legs straddling his hips.

I pressed my forehead against his and his hands went to my hips. "Why did you stop me last night?" I whispered.

"You're not exactly in the right state of mind. I didn't want you to do something you might regret."

"Something I would regret or something you would regret?"

"I'm not- no- I'm not saying that I don't want it-"

"Good. Because I want this."

His gaze changed. He looked less conflicted, more wary, like he was trying to see if I was lying.

I wasn't discouraged. He didn't know what I was feeling for him wasn't me trying to find comfort in some messed up way. I just had to show him.

"Where's Jude?"

He snapped himself out of whatever he was thinking. "Connor invited him out. Picked him up half an hour ago."

Good, so we were alone.

My hands cupped his face and my lips hovered over his. I was baiting him, trying to get him to break. My fingers brushed his wavy hair back from his forehead and I kissed the skin there. His eyes closed when my lips trailed down to his jaw and his hands squeezed my side.

I pushed him down onto the bed, my legs still straddling him. I put my hands under his shirt, reveling in the taut skin underneath. I quickly unbuttoned his shirt. When I was done with his shirt, I took mine and lifted it above my head. He stared up at me with wonder and intensity. _Come on, just do it._ He suddenly sat up and kissed me, hard, and we pressed against each other until there was no space left.

We flipped over so that he was on top, my legs still wrapped around his waist. I quickly unbuttoned my jeans and Brandon helped me pull them off. His own jeans joined the floor. We kissed with such passion and force I'm surprised one of us didn't break a tooth.

I started to take off my bra when he said, "Wait." He propped himself onto his arms, "You sure you want to go this far?"

God, he was breathing heavy, and until a few seconds ago, his hands were on my butt and my thigh. Yet, he still found it in himself to ask me if it was okay. _He's different than the others. He wouldn't hurt you._

"Brandon, I want you to go the bathroom, get a condom, and then come back in here."

He quickly got off me and hurried out the door. I stood in the middle of the room and waited patiently until he got back in the room. I pulled him into a kiss and was pushed back onto the bed. We removed the last layers of clothing and rolled the condom into place.

He kissed me gently as he slid inside me. _This is how it should have been. This is how my first time should have gone, when I was ready and with a person, I wanted, not the other way around._ As the pleasure grows all I can think is how much better this feels. This isn't like the other guys who took the sex I offered like it was no big deal. Those guys didn't matter. They were just faceless bodies to lie next to, to make the voices in my head shut up because I didn't need them to tell me how dirty I was when I was currently feeling it. I didn't have to pretend to enjoy sex with Brandon. When we were done, I lay there on his chest, listening to his heartbeat slow as his finger drew circles on my arm.

"This isn't my first time." I confessed, waiting for the hurting to start.

"That's okay. This wasn't my first time either." I smiled.

"I know. Talya bragged about the condoms once."

He groaned. "Let's not talk about Talya. Or Wyatt. Or anybody we dated."

Oh God. Wyatt. Even if we weren't technically together, it felt wrong to be with one boy in public and another in private. **_Just goes to show how much of a dirty slut you are,_** the voice hissed at me.

I shot up and started putting on my clothes. "What's wrong?" Brandon got up and I backed away from him.

"I'm still with Wyatt, Brandon. I'm still with him and I just cheated on him in the worst possible way."

"What do you mean you're still with him?"

"He's the only thing keeping people from thinking there's something going on between you and me. Otherwise people will talk and that's the last thing I need right now."

"But does that really mean you have to be with him?"

"This was a mistake okay. This shouldn't have happened, not now at least."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that as long as I am at risk of leaving, we can't do this." I say gesturing at him.

"Fine." He hurriedly put on his clothes. While putting on his shirt he turned and said, "Next time you talk to me, that's all you'll get, talk. I don't plan to be your toy. Go to Wyatt for that."

He slammed the door and I flinched, crossing my arms over my body like I could still feel his hurtful gaze.

**_Now he hates you too. He thinks you're just some user. He doesn't even want to deal with you and your messed up life._**

**_He doesn't want you._**

**_And who does. You're used up. You sleep with guys because you're so desperate for somebody to pretend to care._**

_He wouldn't hurt you, _I remember thinking before.

I was wrong. He would hurt me.

He would break my heart into a million little pieces.

**_Everyone will hurt you._**

**_And no one will_ _care._**

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Second Author's Note: Ohh, I almost hate myself for doing that, but then I love angst and frustration more than lovey-dovey stuff. Maybe that's why I loved last night's episode (so much tension, God). And stick around for next chapter, it's my favorite one that I've written so far.

Next Chapter: Callie goes to a bonfire and ignites more than just a flame.


	4. Burning

Author's Note: Wow, I feel pretty evil after leaving you guys with that last chapter. The reviews that came in for Chapter 3 were probably my favorites, because you guys responded just how I wanted you too (yes, I am a bit evil). I almost didn't post this chapter today because I had terrible writer's block until I realized what the ending would be, which got everything moving swiftly. This is probably my favorite chapter I have written, mostly because I haven't gotten to the last chapter yet (which might be soon, I might end this at 7 chapters, maybe 8). The scene you will see may seem familiar to those of you who have seen the movie The Lifeguard (with David Lambert) and this is probably the most mature scene you will see me write, mostly because it was based off a certain scene from the movie.

Disclaimer: God, I keep forgetting to put these here. I don't own The Fosters or The Lifeguard, I just base my fantasies off of them.

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"Hey," Wyatt had sneaked up on me. I gave him a small smile. "What's up with you? You seem down. I noticed you didn't have your newest accessory on today."

"Yeah, that was causing way too much drama for me. If I'm cold, I'll just find a sweater."

"So, I'm having another bonfire tonight. It'll be us and some friends and some of their friends. And you can make it as platonic as you want, no one will be watching you."

"Thanks, but I don't know. I might be busy, you know, doing," I was waving my hands in the air trying to find an excuse, "my homework."

"It's Friday." He raised an eyebrow and nudged my shoulder. "Come on, it'll be fun. You could make more friends so that you don't have to hang around me all the time." He smirked at me.

Why not? Nothing could be worse than hanging around at the house, avoiding Brandon. He apologized (the bastard) the day after he walked out of my room half-clothed, telling me he will be there for me as my friend. I had to pretend like I was okay with this arrangement when I really wanted to slap him for leaving me to suffer that night, letting me cry in the bathroom as the blood flowed from my damaged ego.

"I'll come."

"Awesome." He took my hand, like usual, and I kissed him on the cheek, like I have been for the past week. _I'll have to take what I can get._

Hours later I find myself in his car, driving to a beach 30 minutes away. When we arrive, it's dark and the only light is from the orange glow of the fire.

Wyatt announces our arrival and people whistle and hoot when he shows off the 6-packs of beers he brought. Drinks are being passed around when a hand shoots out and grabs my wrist. I look up and it's him. He's here, not in his room playing piano, but physically right next to me, his touch sending electricity up my arm.

"Hey," he breathed, smelling like he already had a beer. Our eyes connected for a second and then he looked across the circle. "Your boyfriend bring you here?"

"Yes." I pulled my hand back. I sat down next to Wyatt and noticed how many kids from school were here, not the normal kids Wyatt hung out with. It was a mixture of delinquents and honor roll students and I nudged Wyatt.

"What are all these guys doing here?"

"I told you some more people might come tonight. I didn't realize Brandon would be here."

"Don't worry it's not your fault."

A night pretending to like Wyatt was one thing, but a night pretending Brandon wasn't consuming my thoughts was another. I grabbed a beer and chugged it, ignoring the questioning stares from Wyatt. I normally didn't drink the alcohol I was given but tonight seemed an exception.

Two hours later, our group had thinned out and somebody said they had the key to the public pool, picked it off their sibling who was working there. Back in the car, Wyatt and I are joined by three more drunk teens. They scream and yell when we get to the pool, stripping off their shirts and jeans and jumping into the freezing cold water. Wyatt joins them and soon enough I'm standing on the edge, my shirt still on because there is no way I'm jumping in just my bra and underwear, not with Brandon wading there in just his boxers.

My mind is clearing up considering I haven't had another beer in an hour. Some kids start making out and Wyatt keeps looking at me while Brandon looks everywhere else. I realize I need to pee and pull myself out of the pool, gasping when the cold air hits my skin. I make my way to the open bathroom, avoiding the puddles that could be something other than water.

When I'm done I wash my hands and turn and almost run smack into someone's bare chest, I glance up and see his eyes, looking down at me and I can't help but feel vulnerable under his gaze. We stand there in silence until he finally speaks up. "I came in here to talk."

I swallow. "So talk."

"We're kind of bad at that, talking. We tend to get carried away." He took a step towards me and I knew that if I tilted my head up a little, my lips would meet his.

I trail my eyes up and down his body and feel him doing the same thing.

He continues on saying, "Everything will be okay. You have the moms and me and-" I cut him off when I slam my lips onto his. I break away from the kiss and were both breathing hard when I kiss him again. My hands clamp around his neck and his hands traveled up and down my body. His hand goes under my shirt and squeezes my breast. The other one reaches down the front of my panties and I moan when he starts touching me. He backs me up and lifts me up on top of the sink. Our kisses become more fervent when he starts lowering my underwear and his down to the ground. Unlike our first time, this was fast, nothing gentle about it. We weren't trying to make it last, we were trying to get there as fast as we could.

As our breathing and hearts slowed down afterwards, his hand took hold of my wrist. A Band-Aid rested there, unseen from before by the long sleeves that got pushed up my arms. Two more Band-Aids lay higher up my forearm.

"Callie?" He peeled back the Band-Aid and saw the clean line of red. He grabbed my other wrist and found two more Band-Aids. "When?"

"That night, after you left."

"God." He closes his eyes and rests his forehead on mine. "Callie I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was. I been an asshole for the past week." He cups my face and looks me in the eye. "Callie, no matter what, even if you don't want anyone else to know, tell them what's wrong or tell them to get me. There's no way in hell I'm letting you go through this alone." He kisses my forehead and holds me close. "There's nothing wrong with trusting people to take care of you."

I kiss him and he strokes my cheek. "Let's go home."

"What about Wyatt?"

"I'll tell him you're taking me home."

"Hey," I say to the two girls that drove with us, sitting on the edge of the pool. "Where's Wyatt?"

One girl looked dazed while the other girl shrugged. "I think he left like a long time ago. He took some people home."

_Okay, that explains it_. I take out my phone and text Wyatt.

"Hey, I had fun tonight."

I didn't get a response until an hour later when I'm lying in my bed. I see the message and my stomach drops.

"We need to talk."

* * *

I get up at eight in the morning and start walking over to the park. It's where I meet Wyatt on weekends because it's in the middle of our houses. If we had a place, this was it.

I smiled when I saw Wyatt walking up to me. But instead of the usual hug and smirk, his hands stayed in his pockets and he wordlessly sat next to me on the bench.

_Uh oh._ "What did you want to talk about?"

He huffed. "So, you thought last night was fun."

"Yeah, it was better than the last one. That visit to the pool was cool, if not illegal enough to land me back in Juvie." I laugh but his face still stays blank.

"I didn't get to say goodbye last night. Why'd you leave without me?"

"I didn't want to. I tried to find you but..." He sighed and looked up at me and I knew.

_Oh God._

_He went looking for me._

He found us. I don't know when he saw us or how much he saw, but he saw Brandon, and me together.

"Wyatt, I'm so sorry. It just happened, I wasn't thinking."

"Obviously. If you were maybe you would remember that you came to that bonfire with me, that I was your boyfriend, and that you're not supposed to be screwing your foster brother!"

**_You're just some fucking slut._**

"Keep your voice down!"

"Why? You don't seem so keen to keep the secret anymore if you're doing it in the public bathroom."

**_Skank, you'd do it anywhere anytime wouldn't you?_**

"Wyatt-"

**_Come over here and let me show you how a real guy treats you._**

"No Callie, I told you I wasn't going to be used. If we were going to stay together, that meant you couldn't be with him either."

"Look, the first time we did it I told him it was over, because I was still with you."

"The first time? How many times have you slept with him?"

**_Bet you'd never gone a week without opening up your legs for the next guy that offers._**

"Please Wyatt, I'm trying to tell you that I did think about you."

**_All I see is some dumb bitch that thinks sex will tie a man down. Who would want to stay with you?_**

"It doesn't matter. This is over Callie." He stands up and walks away and I run after him.

I grab his arm to stop him but he shakes me off.

"Wyatt, please, you can't tell anyone. Please don't tell."

He stops and turns around, the rage hitting me like a wall.

"Don't even try Callie. I have no idea what I will do."

_And that's what I'm afraid of._

"Just don't do anything you might regret." I pleaded.

He laughed but there was nothing nice about it.

"Regret. Is that what I'm supposed to feel? Or are you the one full of regrets?"

**_You would know all about regrets, wouldn't you Callie?_**

_Shut up, I don't want to think about that. _

**_Your past will always haunt you. _**Flashes of a doctor's office burned my vision. A crinkle of paper. I shake my head, getting rid of my worst memory. The worst thing I ever did.

**_There is no way to escape the damage you caused._**

**_It's written on your face, in your eyes, on your skin._**

**_You are the damage. _**

**_And you can't escape yourself; no matter how hard you_ try.**

* * *

Second Author's Note: Ohh, what is this mysterious memory? I know but you don't. I feel kind of bad for making Wyatt such an asshole. I really like him as a character on the show. I even wrote my first FanFiction about him (check it out if you want). But I really loved their fight, I just had to keep it. Anyways, I love this chapter, but the next two are definitely close to being just as awesome, if not the same maybe. I'll try hammer out Chapter 7 tomorrow (thank God for those 4 hour breaks during school). I love it when I get reviews so go on, don't be shy. I know it's hard, you have to make an effort to organize your thoughts, think about what you're going to say, and then write it down to let the writer know exactly how you feel. I try to review to everything I enjoy, so if you're enjoying it, let me know!

Next Chapter: Callie is afraid that history is repeating itself when an event causes her to unearth her worst memory.


	5. Killing

Author's Note: Wow, I did not expect it to take so long for me to finish Chapter 7. I just started writing and writing and at over 2500 words I'm still not done with it. I can say that I am very proud of it though, and hopefully it'll be worth it when I do post it in a few days. I didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer so without further ado, here is Chapter 5!

* * *

Thirty. Thirty-one. Thirty-two. Thirty-three. Thirty-four. Thirty-five.

Thirty-five days.

That's how long it's been since my last period.

_Shit._

The past two weeks were bad enough with Wyatt icing me out. It finally got around that I had cheated on Wyatt and I was becoming paranoid that he would tell someone whom it was with.

But the idea that I might be pregnant was unbelievable. The one time we didn't have a condom was that night at the pool. Who knew that night would cause so many problems?

I had no idea if I was pregnant. One late period could mean anything. Maybe my hormones were out of whack or something. I've heard girls say they wouldn't have their period for months before it came again and they weren't pregnant.

Considering my luck though, I was going to be buying diapers and living in a group home within the next year.

**_You'll end up with no one to take care of you, stuck with a burden you can't keep._**

I have been avoiding Brandon at school ever since the break up, trying to keep the rumors at a minimum. At home, I spend most of my time in his room, which was his idea. Wanted to keep an eye on me, he says. He's witnessed the hurtful things people say to me, calling me a cheater, saying I sleep with anyone, my own whispers in my head becoming a part of my reality and he wants to be sure I'm not going to hurt myself.

**_But don't you want to? Let the hurt inside you out with just a simple little cut?_**

We haven't had sex since that night at the pool. We haven't even kissed on the lips, just pecks on the forehead or the cheek. Handholding was at a premium though and I couldn't go a night without hearing his soft playing of the piano.

**_You're going to ruin his life._**

Somebody knocked on the bathroom door, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Hey, I need the bathroom," Jesus' voice booms.

I clamber off the bathroom floor and open the door. "All yours." I walked down to the living room, and took the keys from the kitchen counter. I made it to the front door when Brandon's voice came behind me.

"Where are you going?"

I stopped and turned towards him. "I was going to the store."

"Why'd you take the keys, the grocery store is only a few minutes away."

"I was planning to go somewhere a little farther."

"Why didn't you ask me to take you? You don't even have your license."

I didn't want him to drive me for so many reasons, but he wasn't going to take no for an answer. "I thought I could get the practice. I didn't know you were home, I thought you were spending time with your dad today."

"He's got work. Come on, I'll take you." He took the keys from my hand and opened the door for me. Reluctantly I followed him.

We got the store half an hour away. "Can you just stay in here while I get what I need?"

He stared confused at me. "Why?"

"I just need to get something. It's nothing big, I don't need you to come with me." I quickly got out of the car, ending the conversation.

I walked into the store and went to the section of the store where they had the pregnancy tests. I took three, knowing I had to take more to be sure. I heard the door open and I looked to see Brandon coming in. I hid the tests behind my back.

"Brandon I told you to wait."

"Why are you acting so weird? It's not like I've never been asked to get something for my moms that I wasn't comfortable getting." He saw my hands behind my back. "What are you holding?"

"Brandon please, can you just wait in the car." I insisted.

He huffed and turned around walking to the exit. I waited until I saw him in the car before I walked up to the counter. I ignored the cashier's look and took the bag, "Thank you."

I rushed back to the car and closed the door, "Let's go." I put the bag on the floor of the front seat.

"Callie, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on. Why did we have to go to a store 15 miles away? Why won't you let me see what you got?"

"It's nothing to worry about, just drive home please."

He reached down and took the bag before I could even react. "Hey!" I yelled, trying to grab the bag back.

He dumped it out and his frustrated expression turned worried. He picked up one of the boxes and stared at it.

I looked at his face, trying to figure out what he was thinking. _Please, please, please don't be mad._ He put the box down on his lap and looked at me.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What would you have done if I told you?" My eyes were watering and I wiped them.

"I would have been there for you." He put his head in his hands. "What will you do if you are pregnant?"

"I can't keep it if I am."

He looked alarmed. "What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean?"

"You don't have to get rid of the baby!"

"There's no way I'm having the baby Brandon! If your moms found out, they would have to tell my social worker. I would be placed in a home for pregnant teenage girls."

"Callie, it's my baby too!"

"It's my body! I decide what I do with it!" The tears started streaming.

"But abortion? You really think you could kill our child."

"It's not like I've never done it before." He looked at me with a surprised look on his face.

"Callie, what are you talking about?"

I covered my face with my hands as the doctor's office surrounded me. The scent of antiseptic wafted through my mind. I could feel the cold air on the back of my neck.

Brandon started shaking my arm. "Callie! Callie, stop shaking, what are you talking about?"

I shook off his hand. My body was freaking out and I had to calm down. "I got pregnant a year ago and I had to get rid of it. There was no way in hell I was going to have his baby."

"Whose baby?"

"It doesn't matter! I'm not keeping the baby and that's it."

He put his hands on the wheel and leaned his forehead against it. "This isn't the end of the conversation, Callie. We are going to go home and you're going to take the test to figure out if you are pregnant or not. Then, we will talk about this."

"Whatever," I folded my legs underneath me and stared out the window.

We sat in uncomfortable silence until we reached the house. We got into the house and he handed me the boxes.

"Wait," he said. He took my hand and looked into my eyes, no longer angry and with its usual support and love. "I don't care what you do. Just promise me you are completely sure of what you want."

I nodded. "I know one thing I want." I stand on my toes and kiss him. He smiles and I finally close the door.

I ripped open the boxes, ignoring the instructions. I didn't need them. When I was done, I put them on the counter and opened the door. I gestured Brandon to come in and locked the door behind him. He came up to me and held me to him and we wrapped our arms around each others waist.

"I want to tell you about it. About the worst home we were in."

"Are you sure?"

"I need you to know what happened, so that you can understand why I had to get rid of the baby."

I led him to the bathtub and sat down on the ground leaning against the side of the tub. He got down next to me and put his arm around my shoulder and I tucked my head in the crook of his neck.

"Remember how I told you about that foster brother I dated before?"

"Yeah."

"Well there's more to it. I was 14 when I met him. He was 19." I felt him stiffen but he kept his silence, his hand rubbing my arm. "When I first met him, he was really sweet. I had never been paid so much attention at a home and Jude really liked him. He didn't outright say he liked me but one night he was helping me with my homework and he kissed me. It was my first kiss."

"As time went on, the parents started hinting that we might be staying there permanently. They bought us all these nice things like toys and even my first cell phone. I was so happy that I had finally found a home and a boyfriend in one place."

"A little after my 15th birthday, he started pushing for more. He would take me to rated R movies and try giving me alcohol, telling me I was sexy, and would make many innuendos. One night, he came into my room and asked me to have sex with him. I told him I wasn't ready, that I didn't want to, but he didn't listen to me. No one was home and no one heard me yell for help."

"After that night, I couldn't sleep in my room anymore. I stayed with Jude or one of the parents stayed with me. They knew something was wrong and they tried to help me. One of them even saw the cuts on my arm. But I didn't open up to them. They would never have believed that their son had raped me."

"One day, I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I tricked Liam into kissing me so that his parents would see. They sent us away and a month later I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't even imagine having his baby so I got an abortion."

_The devil, he put a piece of himself inside of me, how could I keep it?_

"It was _the_ worst mistake I had ever made. I still regret to this day that I didn't tell anybody, that I let it get so far, and that I had to kill a baby because luck was not my side." I turned my head into his neck and tears flowed onto his shirt.

"Does Jude know about the rape?"

"No. I never told him."

He pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Callie, you have to tell somebody."

"I told you."

"Yeah but I mean someone that can actually do something. You could press charges and get this guy in jail. He deserves to pay for what he did."

I shook my head. Telling Brandon about my first time was one thing. Telling the police would require remembering details, things I pushed down that only come out during a blackout. I wasn't ready.

"Hey how long did we have to wait?"

"A few minutes." I got up and walked to the sink where I left the tests. I picked up one of the tests and stared at it. I looked at the rest of the tests to be sure.

"They're all the same."

"What is it? Is it positive? Are you pregnant."

I turn to him and kiss him, long, hard, and passionately. He reacts surprised and then reciprocates it. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. We kiss against the wall and I start kissing his neck when he finally asks.

"So, you're not pregnant?"

"Not pregnant."

And then the door opened.

"What. The. Hell."

**_One door closes, another one opens._**

**_One problem after another._**

* * *

Second Author's Note: Ahh cliffhangers! I didn't even realize how many cliffhangers I made in this story. And I decided not to have her get pregnant because I didn't want to have to write about her getting an abortion or being 7 months pregnant because that would just prolong the story, and I love the shorter multi-fics, especially if they deal with this kind of material. Not to mention I have like 4 other stories I want to get out there as fast as possible. Chapter 6 will be the penultimate chapter so once I finish Chapter 7 I will post Chapter 6 and then Chapter 7 the next day. Most likely Chapter 6 will be updated tomorrow, because I am so close to being done with the ending. I can feel it coming to a close. Thank you for being the special few that have stayed with this story and give me reviews. This has been a really great experience and it feels nice when I get a follow or a favorite because it shows that you care, so be sure to review so that I can feel all the warm fuzzies from reading it.

Next Chapter: Callie and Brandon are found out by a member of the family and Callie feels her world falling apart when she has to make a decision.


	6. Pleading

Author's Note: Chapter 7 will officially be in two parts because it ends up being over 4000 words in one chapter (and it's still not done), but I will post them at the same time, unless life happens and I just post part 1 by itself. Either way, you will get an update tomorrow. Here is Chapter 6, the calm before the storm I like to think of it and hopefully you'll understand why.

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own The Fosters.

"Marianna." I put my feet on the ground and walk towards her. "Just wait and let us explain."

She grabs one of the pregnancy test boxes. "What the hell? Are you pregnant too?"

"No, I'm not-"

"Is it Wyatt's?"

"I'm not pregnant and it wouldn't have been Wyatt's."

She glances back at her brother. "Oh my God. You two had sex? What the hell is wrong with you? You especially," looking at her brother. "You just broke up with Talya, is that why you're doing this? Because you're so horny you would sleep with the first girl you see, even your foster sister?"

"Marianna," I grab her shoulders but she shakes me off. "Just please keep your voice down."

"Why? No one else is home right now except the three of us." Her eyes widened. "Oh God. Were you two just about to-"

"No! Marianna, it's not like that, we're not sleeping together."

"Then why the tests? How could you get pregnant without having sex? No offense, but I doubt you're going to pull a Virgin Mary."

"We had sex one time without a condom."

"Oh my God. Is everybody having sex without a condom in this house?"

"It was one stupid mistake-"

"It could have been more than just a mistake. You two are doing something really stupid."

Brandon spoke up, "You're not going to tell are you?"

She glared at him. "If you think I'm going to let you screw her, you're wrong. She doesn't need this right now, you got it?"

"We're not doing anything wrong."

"This is the epitome of wrong! You look up wrong in a dictionary and it's you two doing the nasty."

"Would you stop saying it like that, it sounds so-"

"Gross, dirty, messed up? Gee, I wonder why."

I insisted, "Marianna, please, just don't tell anyone. People already think something is going on, I can't have any more people talking shit behind my back."

She looked at me with the most disgust I had ever seen on her face. "You are the one that will screw things up for yourself. Have you even thought of Jude? Have you thought about how this will affect him too?"

I step back, the guilt easily readable on my face and then I scowl. "Don't you tell me about Jude. You're not the one that has had to take care of him for the last six freaking years. You got a home and a family; a nice house and cute clothes that make you so popular, and two parents that actually give a shit about you! Unless you've been through half the shit I've been through, you keep your freaking mouth shut, because you don't understand anything."

She glared at me. "If I catch you guys again, I will tell moms." She threw down the box and turned her back, and I was left with a pounding in my head.

* * *

"Callie-"

"Don't. Just don't Brandon." We were now in his bedroom, sitting on his bed, where's he's been keeping me close since Marianna left us alone. I was shaking and I couldn't stop staring in front of me.

"Callie, I need you to talk to me."

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine. You have that look in your eye like the world is about to disappear in front of you."

**_She's going to tell and Jude is going to hate you. Brandon won't be able to protect you._**

_Stop._

**_He'll let them take you away, just like Liam did._**

_I chose to go away._

**_He never defended you; he let them call you a whore._**

_Just shut up._

**_You think you can keep making mistakes. One day you'll be left with nothing and no one._**

**_And that's exactly what you deserve_**

"I can't deal with this right now! I need it Brandon!"

I tried to stand up but Brandon pulled me back down and held me, his arms circling around my arms. I tried to get him off me, kicking and pulling away.

"Let go! Let go! I need it, please, just let me!"

"Callie, calm down, you don't need it. I'm right here, I'm with you."

My sight was disappearing. "Let me go! Don't hurt me, please."

"Callie, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not them, I'm not the voices, and I'm here." He sounded like he was choking up. "Please stay with me."

"No! No!" It was happening. I couldn't stop it. "Get off of me! Liam, get off of me." His weight was pressing into me, his hands touching my bare skin.

"I'm not Liam, Callie I'm not Liam! I'm Brandon, please come back. Come back please."

_Listen-_

**_Shut up, you want this you know you want this._**

**_I thought you loved me._**

**_If you loved me, you would give me what I want._**

"I love you Liam, just please don't do this."

The arms holding me loosened slightly and I used that opportunity to hit Liam where I thought his body was. My fist connected with something hard and I heard a male voice say, "Ow!"

Hands wrapped around my wrists and I fought back, trying to free my arms. Somewhere I heard a voice screaming. I recognized it as my own.

"Callie, open your eyes! Open them God dammit!"

_Open your eyes._

They snapped open. I was panting, the tears in my throat making it hard to breathe. Brandon has his own tears in his eyes, his hands still holding my wrists. There was a red mark on his cheek from where my fist hit.

He released my hands and I reached up to touch his cheek. I wiped his tears away and his forehead touched mine. The tears kept flowing from my eyes and his hands were holding my face.

I was gasping out, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Shhhhhh, it's okay now. You're safe."

"I'm so sorry Brandon. I hurt you I'm so sorry."

He smiled. "Better me than you."

I laughed, a smile breaking out on my face. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Keep me here. Not even Jude can get me out of a blackout."

"Because you listen to me. You hear my voice and you use it to come back to reality." He kissed me. "I would do anything for you, if it made you happy."

God, I loved him. I really freaking loved him.

"Come on, let's go downstairs. I'll make you something to eat."

"Can I have biscuits and gravy?"

"Sure," He stands up, takes my hand, and leads me downstairs.

When we get to the kitchen, he starts pulling out random ingredients and a bowl. He stared at it for a while before I speak up.

"Do you even know how to make biscuits and gravy?"

"How hard could it be?"

I rolled my eyes. "Come on, I'll show you."

Some time later, we are sitting on the couch, my guitar in his hand, and he's playing to me and I'm giggling at him trying to come up with a song. My feet are on his lap and there's a plate of biscuits next to me. I'm eating one and trying not to laugh at the same time when Lena and Stef walk in with Jesus in tow.

"Hey, how are you guys?"

Brandon puts the guitar down. "Good. We stayed home all day and Callie taught me how to make biscuits and gravy."

Stef smiled and kissed him on the forehead. "That's great love." She looked at Lena. "When are Marianna and Jude back?"

"They texted that they would be here soon."

"Great." Stef turned to the both of us. "We're going to have a family meeting to discuss something important. It's good news, don't worry." She took a biscuit with a wink and left.

* * *

"Ok, so I know you guys have been wondering why we called you all together."

"Did something happen?" Jude asked.

"No sweetie, Lena and I just have a question for you and Callie."

I was confused. What could they want to ask us? We know we're staying here until they find us a home. Have they found one?

"We already asked the kids and they were all okay with this, but we would really love you to become a part of our family."

Lena leaned towards us, her face beaming. "Permanently."

I turned towards Jude, whose eyes were big and his mouth wide open. "Like adoption?"

"Exactly."

Lena looked at me. "Callie, what do you think?"

I looked at Jude, who was grinning from ear to ear. I looked at Stef and Lena, waiting in anticipation for what I was going to say. Jesus had his normal easy smile, genuinely happy about this. Marianna was smiling, but it was cold and her eyes said something like, "Now what are you going to do?"

Brandon was struggling. His mouth was in a small line, a sad attempt at a smile, his eyes intensely boring into mine. He couldn't want this. He couldn't want us to become family, not like this. He couldn't have said that he was okay with us becoming brother and sister.

_We already asked the kids and they were all okay with this._

_I would do anything for you, if it made you happy._

He did want this. He told them they could adopt me. He was giving us up, giving this up. For a family.

I had been waiting for this moment for the past six years. I could have a family. I could have the surety of people to look out for me.

Either way, no matter what I chose, I was losing something important. Either way, someone would get hurt. My heart was split down the middle reaching for two different things, both out of grasp unless one side stops trying.

I was breaking.

And it hurt.

**_You feel that?_**

**_That's your world breaking apart._**

**_Putting back the pieces won't help._**

**_Because they will never fit the same again._**

* * *

Second Author's Note: I can officially say that Chapter 7 Part 1 is my favorite. It's good, so good I almost didn't write part 2 because I just wanted to end it there. I swear to God, it may be the best thing I ever wrote in my life. It's the reason I started writing this story, just for the last scene. You know the drill, follow so that you can read the next chapter the moment I post it (and trust me, you need to read it), let me know you're thoughts in a review, heck PM me if you want. I love you all by this point. Have a nice day.

Next Chapter: I will tell you nothing except that a song is involved.


	7. Falling

Author's Note: I didn't get a lot of views on the last chapter because FanFiction for some reason didn't put my story at the top of the page when I updated it, so if you haven't read the last chapter, go read it, otherwise this chapter might not make sense in the beginning. This is part 1 of the last chapter of this story. I did something really different by adding lyrics of a song. The song I used is from the TV show Smash (which was amazing, highly recommended) and the song is "Broadway, Here I Come!". One lyric is changed for story purposes. Part 2 is not _quite_ done, so I'm going to post this chapter right now and then post the next part in a few hours.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Fosters or Smash

* * *

I'm high above the city

I'm standing on the ledge

The view from here is pretty

And I step off the edge

* * *

I watched the crash of the waves from the beach near the school. I had fifth period right now, but something told me that showing up to Math class wouldn't help any of my problems. The monotonous drone and the scuffle of papers would just drive me insane and I needed the silence of the beach to hear my own thoughts.

_You need a family._

But I can't be his sister.

_You could tell them about you and Brandon._

That would just get me sent away.

_You could say no._

If I say no, Jude says no. Jude comes first, that is just how it is.

I was stuck at a crossroads. Both sides were equally beautiful and tempting, each coaxing me to come to one side, abandon the other.

I realized that someone was walking towards me and chose to say nothing as they sat next to me. I could tell who it was and I was curious as to what he was doing here, talking to me, but he said nothing.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'd say the same thing, seeing as the VP is your foster mom."

"I mean what are you doing here next to me. You hate me. You haven't spoken to me in weeks."

"Marianna came and talked to me. Something about you getting adopted."

"I'm not."

"Because of Brandon."

"What does it matter to you? This is none of your business."

"Callie I'm sorry, okay. I'm sorry I let my anger get the best of me. I'm sorry I told people you cheated on me and that I made your life a living hell for the past few weeks. Can we just get past this and at least try to be friends again?"

I shook my head. "We can't be friends Wyatt."

Wyatt shook his head. "You never even gave us a chance! You never even tried to fall for me the way you did Brandon. I care about you Callie, despite what you did, and I want you back. I want us back."

He sounded so desperate and I almost wanted to accept his apology because I could tell I hurt him. I should be the one apologizing. But I won't.

"There were no us Wyatt. I only used you to try forgetting about Brandon, but that obviously failed. And you know what." I stood up, brushing the sand off my legs. "I did try. I cared about you too. I wish things didn't have to end so badly for us, but they did. And I wish I could blame you for the things people say but it's not your fault. I did cheat on you. I did hurt you. I'm sorry that you had to suffer but I'm not sorry I did it."

He got up and stepped up to me, so that he was in my face. "What is so great about Brandon? He's not some hero Callie. He's not going to help you fix your messed up life, which you so clearly have."

"Shut up, you don't know anything about what I've been through."

"And whose fault is that? You never opened up to me Callie. Maybe I could have helped you."

"No you couldn't Wyatt."

"And why not?"

"Because you don't matter enough for me to listen to you. You wouldn't be able to save me from my worst memories. You couldn't pull me out of a nightmare with just words." I turned my back and started walking away. "And even if I did talk to you, I could never love you." I walked off leaving him just as he left me, betrayed and upset.

_You've done it now._

_You've set him off._

I don't care.

_I don't care anymore._

I was tired of making decisions that hurt other people. I was tired of feeling like there was this Darkness waiting to envelop me. I was tired of feeling like shit.

I was tired of feeling anything. All Brandon's love did was remind me that I will only feel like this for a short time. I didn't have eternity with Brandon. I barely had tomorrow.

I walked past the school, past the park, past anything I grew familiar with the in the last few months. I eventually reached the district Marianna and her friends liked to hang out at, filled with people talking, eating, shopping, and ignoring the lone girl with a backpack. My phone buzzed with a text message.

B: Hey, teacher said U missed last class, U OK?

I ignored it. My phone buzzed a few more times and I shut if off. I didn't want to talk to him. I wanted to pretend like I was a ghost, walking through crowds where no one would notice me, not talking to anyone, not touching anyone.

I reached a café, some hipster joint, empty except for a few college students. I took a seat in a booth in the corner, where no one could see me and I couldn't see anyone. I put my bag on the table and rested my head there.

I slept. I dreamed of nothing. It was like I was dead. Nothing went through my mind while I slept in that booth. And I loved it.

I got up hours later, the place now busting with people drinking their teas and coffees, with a very angry group of girls looking at me.

"Do you need a few more minutes? Or can you get out of the booth so that other people can enjoy it?"

I left the booth and started walking to the house. It was 5:30.

* * *

The pressure it increases

The closer that I get

I could almost go to pieces

But I'm not quite there yet

* * *

Lena and Stef were waiting on the porch when I got back. Their faces were angry, not even trying to hold back.

Stef let out, "Where were you young lady. You skipped your last few classes and turned off your phone so that we couldn't contact you or find you. What were you thinking?"

Lena was gentler, "Did something happen today? Are you okay?"

I looked up at them, my expression blank.

"I don't want to be adopted."

Lena looked crushed. "Okay. If that's what you want."

I suddenly got pissed. "You're not even going to ask why? You don't even care that I said no."

"Of course we care Callie, but we don't want you to do something you don't want to do."

"But you don't want to know why? You're not curious if you did something wrong, if you messed up somehow? Because that's what I think whenever a family sends us away. I wonder what I did this time to make them give me up. Am I wrong? Are you thinking something different?"

"We trust you to make a decision for yourself."

"Really? What if I told you I wanted to live on my own? Would you let me?"

"We wouldn't want it, but we would have to let you."

"What if I was in love with Brandon?"

Stef looked taken aback. "What?"

"You heard me. What if I was in love with Brandon? What if he was in love with me? What would you do? Would you send me away? Would you try to convince me I wasn't in love with him? Would you still want to adopt me?"

Stef looked at me, her eyes wide, her mouth agape, and Lena finally spoke. "Callie, you know we can't let a relationship happen under our roof. Especially if we want to adopt you."

"So you would send me away."

"We wouldn't want you to feel unsafe."

I was incredulous. Unsafe. They think Brandon will make me feel _unsafe_.

They were wrong. I was what made me feel unsafe, these stupid voices in my head. How can I feel safe when I can't even trust my body to take care of me? It turns against me, giving me no control over what it does to me, and I hate it. I don't want it.

_I don't want to live in this body anymore._

"I need to go." My hands were shaking.

"Callie, we're not done talking to you. Are you in love with Brandon? Is that why you don't want to be adopted?"

"I need to talk to Brandon." I couldn't see anymore.

"Callie-"

"I need to talk to him! I need to hear his voice right freaking now before it happens!"

"Callie please-"

"NO!"

I jumped up and ran towards the road, like I did that night I went to Brandon. Stef and Lena were running after me, calling my name. I didn't notice when I stopped moving my legs, but I fell forward and landed on my hands and knees, ruining the jeans and scraping my palms. The pain was strong that I came to by the time they reached me.

"Callie," Stef knelt down next to me. "What happened?"

I looked at her and I think she finally saw. She finally saw the pain in my eyes I hid behind walls. "Oh sweetie." She hugged me and I saw Lena come next to me and start to wrap her arms around me when the world disappears around me, the Darkness taking me over gently, its whispers caressing my thoughts, and I didn't want to wake up from it. Not this time.

* * *

The people all are pointing

I bet they'd never guess

That the saint that they're anointing

Is frightened of the mess

* * *

I wake up before my eyes open. I can feel these big hands holding mine, the warmth comforting and flowing through my body. I'm lying in a bed, my own or somebody else's, I don't know.

One of the hands wrapped around mine is rubbing small circles, the fingers long and tapered. I squeeze the hand and it squeezes back.

"Callie? You awake?"

I open my eyes to see Brandon sitting on a chair next to his bed, where I am currently lying down. He looks haggard, his hair sticking up like he had been running his hands through, eyes a little bloodshot.

"You look like hell." I put one hand up and touch his face and he leans into my touch.

"I've been waiting for you to wake up."

I sit up a little more, my upper torso resting on the headboard. "What time is it?"

"Almost four in the morning."

"You look tired."

"I was too worried to sleep. Besides, you're in my bed."

"Yeah why is that?"

"Moms thought I should watch you and be the one to tell you."

I tensed up. "Tell me what?" _I'm being sent away, I'll never see Jude again._

He took my hands again, took a deep breath, and looked me in the eyes. "You need help Callie. I thought I could give it to you but I was wrong."

"No, Brandon," I sat up fully, folded my legs underneath me and put my face closer to his. "You were all I needed. You're my hero, remember?"

"I'm not enough Callie. You needed more than just me to bring you back from your blackouts. You need to stop them. You need to deal with them. I'm sorry if took me so long to realize this."

Where was this coming from? "Did Stef and Lean say you had to stay away from me? Just because of what I said about us?"

"They want to help you Callie. They found a place that can take care of you for a while-"

"Another home? Is Jude being forced to come with me?"

"It's not another foster home. It's a group home."

"A group home? I'm not one of those girls Brandon; I'm not some nutcase, I don't need someone to tell me life gets better."

"Yes you do Callie. You need somebody that knows what they're doing, someone that can help you help yourself."

"I'm what's the problem Brandon and you can't fix me."

"That's not true. You're not beyond repair and you need to start seeing that in order to get better."

"I don't want to. I'm tired of trying of tricking myself into thinking that I'm okay, when in the meantime I'm breaking apart at the seems." I grasped his hands tighter.

He looked down. "I should have told them about your problems weeks ago. I was just so selfish, trying to be the one thing you needed to hold on to. But I'm not Callie. You need all of us. You need a family. I can feel your pain every time I look at your eyes, I could see it the first day I met you. I can't sit by and let you suffer anymore." He stood up, still holding my hands. "I'm going to tell moms you're awake. Wait here, I'll be back." He squeezed my hands one more time, then leaves, and closed the door.

I couldn't wait.

I got out of the bed and walked to the window. I learned weeks ago there was a ledge I could use to jump onto the porch. This made sneaking out with Brandon very easy. Right now though, I was going by myself.

I jumped off and started running away from the beach, away from where they would try to find me. I kept going until my legs started screaming for me to stop, and I slowed down to a walk. By now, they would have figured out I was gone. They would be in their cars driving around, looking for me, worried about me.

_They won't have to worry about me for long._

It took me an hour when I finally got to where I needed to be. A bridge that floated high above the highway underneath, empty of cars for no one would be out at this time of night.

I remembered this bridge for a reason. This bridge was where it all started. Where my father crashed into another car and killed my mother. Where her life left her body and my father's fate was set in stone. I only came here once, a few weeks after the crash. I was with Jude and we both stared at the cars driving over the bridge, at the drivers who did not pause, did not know or care about what had happened to our mother. It hurt us to know that no one else was affected like we were. And it was the first time I heard it.

**_No one would care if you were gone._**

It was so quiet that I could barely hear it, until it repeated itself over the next few months. As we accumulated foster homes, the whispers also increased, changing voices, associated with different memories, and causing me to scream in my nightmares for a woman who could not come back to me.

Standing in the middle of the road, I saw with a happy sigh that part of the sky was becoming blue, not black, a sign of a new day.

_A last day._

I walked to the side of the bridge, my hands gripping the railing like a child grips its mother. I took a deep breath and swung one leg over onto the 1-foot concrete ledge. I leaned back on the rail and looked down. Some cars started to appear, witnesses who would see a girl soar for a second before gravity took over and fantasies of flying became a nightmare of falling.

One step forward and I was closer to the edge. I grasped my necklace in a fist, holding on to it for strength, because I didn't know if I could come back to this if I even dared inched back.

"Hey mom, it's me Callie. I know it's been a while since I talked to you. I was a bit preoccupied with myself to remember you. That was selfish of me."

"Anyway, I'm coming to you. I realized that life isn't for me. I haven't been able to enjoy it like you wanted me too. I don't want to ruin it for others or myself anymore. This is for the best."

"I'm happy I'm going to see you again. We could watch over Jude together. We could see him grow up and be happy in his new family. They're great Mom. There's this boy with a big smile and so much positivity, he's a great person. There's a girl willing to let him express himself, something I didn't let him do. One mom suffered losing her family because of a choice to be happy. I know how that feels. There's another mom who knows how to help him accept and love, something we aren't accustomed to."

"And then there's a boy, a man really, who loves with every bone in his body, someone who knows my struggles and uses his voice to keep me sane. He was my chance to feel something good in this life. He's the one thing I will never regret. I can only hope he feels the same."

"I want to be with you now. I want to watch others live the way I couldn't. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I just want to see you again. I hope I will. I hope I'm not wrong."

I let myself look down at the road below me,

"See you on the other side."

I look up one last time to see the sunset,

_God, that is beautiful._

And I step off the edge.

* * *

And the last thing I hear

As the impact grows near

Is it a scream or a cheer?

Well, never mind, I'll never find out

'Cause I am finally here

* * *

Next Chapter: Part 2.


	8. Flying

Author's Note: If you haven't read part 1 of this chapter, read it before continuing on. Trust me.

I'm sorry.

* * *

_You're not disposable._

_You deserve to be happy._

_You are more than just your file._

_You are not selfish._

_You are not dirty._

_You are perfect._

_The sooner you can accept love, the sooner you can give it._

_You are strong._

_You are brave._

_And you can decide you're own fate._

_You can ignore the voices in your head._

_The past is called the past for a reason._

_You don't dwell on it, you move past it, so that you can embrace the future with new eyes._

_There's nothing wrong with remembering our mistakes. What's important is what we learn from it._

_Now wake up Callie._

_You can escape the darkness and go into the light._

_Go on._

_You're family is waiting._

* * *

First, I could hear.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Then I felt the sheets under my hands, and the cool air blowing against my face.

I felt like something is wrong with me. I should be somewhere else, somewhere important. My thoughts are groggy and thinking becomes too much of a hassle that I might throw up from the effort.

I curled a finger and felt the long finger nail scratch the surface of the blanket I was under. I think I hear a scuff. The noises started getting louder as I feel my body become more aware, and I started hearing muffled voices.

"You told us there was a chance she could wake up. It's been three days, is she getting any better?"

"The swelling is finally down and as far as we can tell, there was no permanent, life-altering damages."

"As far as you can tell? What is that supposed to mean?"

"Until she wakes up and answers for herself, we won't know for sure. It not just physical, something psychological could be happening to her."

I struggle to open my eyes. The lights burn at first and I shut them before trying again, and slowly the lights are less bright. I open them up fully and I'm met with unfamiliar surroundings. Silver, gray, and white fill my vision before I hear a door burst open.

"Callie!" Jude rushes too me, dropping the bags of chips he was holding in his hand onto the bed I was lying in and throws his arms around me. His body shakes as sobs escape and I try to move my arms when I realize my right arm is stuck. Something stiff is covering my lower body and I glance down to see a cast covering my stomach down to my feet. My head felt weird and I still couldn't think properly to react to his cries.

"Jude?" Somebody asked from the doorway. Jude let go of me and backed away, letting Lena and Stef notice I was awake. They cried out and rushed to my side. Stef was in hysterics and Lena was shouting, "Oh my God, Oh my God!" They each gave me a kiss on the cheek, but I still couldn't move. I was wrapped and bandaged almost everywhere on my body. My left arm was the only thing not in a cast. There was a bandage around my head. I could tell there was a bruise on my face because my cheek hurt when I frowned.

Sleepily, due to the painkillers coursing through my body, I finally say something.

"How-"

"Shhhhh, don't speak sweetie. You need to rest. Your body has been through a lot, you need to heal." She turned to Jude. "Go get the other kids buddy."

He looked at me and then gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I love you Callie." He ran out the door and into the hallway.

Stef picked up my non-casted hand and kissed the top of it. "You scared the living shit out of us. We didn't know you were in here until I got a call that a teenage girl had fallen from a bridge and was in critical condition. We got here and you were miraculously still alive, despite breaking almost every bone in your body."

"Doctor says you will make a full recovery. You Callie are very lucky to be alive."

_I'm lucky to be alive._

Jude came in with the twins in tow and I was wrapped in a hug I couldn't reciprocate again. Marianna looked like a wreck compared to how she usually looks. She was still in her pajamas and her hair and face was unmade. Jesus, for the first time ever, was the calmest person in the room, but that didn't mean he wasn't still shedding a few tears of his own.

Someone was missing and from all of this. Lena speaks about it first. "He's in another room. Doctor's had to sedate him. He went crazy when he saw you."

_He went crazy when he saw me. He had to be sedated._

I suddenly shot up, or as much as I could in this insane mummy costume. I needed to see him, but immediately five pairs of hands push me down.

"Callie, you can't go anywhere okay. Not for a while. We'll bring him in when he wakes up." Stef lightly squeezes my hand. "Go to sleep love, we will all be here when you get back."

I was already nodding off as the next wave of painkillers overtook me.

"We love you Callie."

I managed to speak before sleep overtook me.

"I love you too."

* * *

I was having déjà vu back to waking up in Brandon's room. My hand was once again being held and I knew he was there before my eyes were even open. When I finally opened them, my stomach went into knots when he smiled at me. He bent over and kissed me on the forehead. He stayed above me, his fingers interlacing in mine, my eyes focusing on his as they stared intently.

"You weren't here when I woke up." I whispered.

He looked down and blinked, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He took a deep breath and then looked back at me. "They told you I had to be sedated."

I nodded. "What did you do?"

His mouth formed a small line and he spoke with staggered breaths. "I don't know. One minute I'm looking at you, thinking you look like a fallen angel, the next moment I'm lying in a bed like yours in a room across the hall. According to the doctors, I punched a wall and threw a chair before they stopped me. Since then, they've been keeping me sedated until you woke up because when it wears off, all I want to do is hit something."

I smile slightly. "A fallen angel?"

"Yes, an angel who fell too high and crashed too hard." My hand was brushing the tears off his cheeks.

I laugh a little. "It sure feels that way. That bridge was pretty high."

"Jude told us what happened at the bridge. It was where your mother died."

I nodded. "He goes there with me sometimes. It's where we talk to our mom. It's where we feel the most connected with her. Kind of sad huh, that we feel her presence at the place where she died."

"Was that why you jumped? To be with her?"

I shook my head. "Part of me thought so but really, I was tired Brandon. I had unknowingly turned all emotions except for exhaustion and sadness. I had just given up on ever getting better and I wanted to just let go. It was easier than trying to live."

"You can't just turn your back on the world like that. What about the people you leave behind."

"People move on Brandon. I did when I lost my mom."

"I wouldn't have. If you had died, I would've jumped off that bridge too."

"Why?"

"Because I wasn't there to stop you. I wasn't there to catch you. And because I love you," he said this while staring into my eyes, his face inches from mine.

I moved my head up to meet his and briefly press my lips to his. I could feel how much I hurt him and I was putting every apology I ever gave into that kiss. I break away and rest my head back on my pillow.

"I love you too Brandon."

He breaks out into the biggest smile I ever saw on his face, sits down on the chair, bringing my hand to his mouth, and kisses the knuckles, fire burning through my whole body, warming my cooled cheeks and bringing another smile to my face.

We sit there in silence, just drinking each other's presence in, when I feel myself being pulled under again. He squeezes my hand to let me know that he would be there for me when I wake as I drift under.

I dream of angels and tiny cupids flying through to air, waving their bows at me, letting me know they shot me with their love arrows, made me fall in love with a boy, in a family that wanted me, despite everything being against me. I was cast out of heaven for not being good enough and I could see the ground below come closer and closer until I landed in the arms of another fallen angel. And neither of us were perfect enough, neither of us had earned our wings, until we both knew what it was like to fall from heaven and let our hurt bleed onto the ground. But he didn't bleed. He protected my fall and taught me to let the hurt go; and our wings grew, and we joined the rest of the angels hand in hand, wings flapping towards a paradise we were finally allowed in.

I knew I was stuck on him from that point on. I knew I couldn't force myself to pretend I didn't love him. Adoption was so out of the picture for me. Going to another home wasn't an option though. I was invested in this family whether I liked it or not.

Jude's adoption had gone smoothly, without a hitch and without any argument. He accepted that we weren't going to have the same last name, at least not for a while.

I wasn't moved to a group home. Instead, Stef and Lena opted to get me a psychiatrist, an amazing woman named Lenora, who I loved and trusted as much as the family. She was the one who helped make the dark shadows become small and faded. She was the help I needed.

Everyone was there for the days that followed; every good day and every bad day, and it took them a while before they knew I wouldn't try anything again. Lena and Stef had become my legal guardians, taking me out of the system and letting me stay with them until college came around.

"And you're welcome back anytime in the future too. Just because you're not a Foster officially, doesn't mean you're not our daughter."

I apologized to Wyatt the day he came to the hospital to see how I was doing. I wish I could say we stayed friends but he moved to Indiana to live with his grandparents. Frankly, it was for the best. I hurt him too much for me to not feel guilty when I looked at his face.

No one could deny that it was strange to have Brandon carry my books around at school, drive me everywhere I went, and even help me eat as I healed. Kids at school figured out what was going on when a teacher made a rude comment about teen suicide and Brandon left the classroom after calling to teacher an asshole. I kissed him in the hallway after school because despite what he thinks, he is my hero. We were never afraid of what others would say after that.

Some days were not easy. There were times I would rather curl into a ball and die than open up about my past. I would yell at everybody, even Brandon, and tell him or her to leave me alone. They never did though. And I'm grateful for their unconditional loyalty to me, for their never ending support, and how they have given me something I needed. A family.

They have taught me to accept. They have taught me to accept what I have, whether it is good or bad, and take it with stride. To accept the love I get. To accept that my past will never change but that my future is mine to control. To accept the help I receive.

I now love and am in love. I have found someone who loves me enough to feel my pain. He is the yang to my yin, the light in my dark world, and even I have put a little touch of darkness in his life. We have changed each other, melded together until we can no longer be one without the other. We complete each other.

Life wasn't going to be easy. I already experienced a bit of adulthood and I knew it would be hard. There would be times when temptation comes knocking, waiting for a reunion with skin and blade. Times when the surface of the Earth looks better when speeding towards it. But I was ready. I wouldn't go back to the Darkness, succumb to the whispers, or scream for an easy way out. I wouldn't leave behind the people who loved me absolutely. I wouldn't give in.

Not anymore.

The End.

* * *

Last Author's Note: Holy mother of God, I finished this. I never thought I would actually be able to end this in a way that I would be happy with it. I want to thank everyone that reviewed, followed, and favorite this story, whether you have been doing it from the beginning or just started today. I want to thank you all for taking time out of your life to read this because it is truly worth all the frustration I felt trying to make this the best thing ever. I know that this story only lasted a week, but I really feel like I learned a lot about myself while writing this. I feel confident about posting my other stories for you all to see. I will always treasure this story and all of you that read it, even if you never followed or reviewed or favorited.

If you want more from me, check out my other stories and keep your eyes out for a new story tomorrow or in the next few days. I cannot say what it will be about, because I have 4 other stories in progress that have not been posted, not to mention an unwritten one-shot about Stef and Frank I want to write before posting another Brandon/Callie story. Follow me to know when I post it, and if you really want to show your love for this story, favorite this story.

One last thing, I want to thank BrallieLover123 for showing so much love for this story, reviewing every chapter, following and favoring me and this story, and just bringing a smile to my face whenever I read what you say. I hope to see you again in a future story.

To everyone, PM or review, telling me what you want from me. I wish you all happiness and thank you once more.

Good night and sweet dreams to you all.

- riversong15


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